For anyone who suffers from phases of horrible sleep, you know that I'm not exaggerating when I say that it SUCKS. It does. After several nights of not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep, you get to the point where you're basically just too tired to sleep. That's where I seem to be. Dragging through the day, quasi-wide-awake in bed, but too much of a zombie if I try to get out of bed and actually do something.
I picked up a friend this evening for a writing date, and started to cry as soon as she got into my car and asked me how I was. I whined and boohooed about how tired I am and how much I'm a failure and how stupid everything is and how I sabotage myself and it's all my fault blah blah blah. She flung her hands toward the sky, palms up, and insisted that I wasn't a failure at all, that I hadn't ruined anything, that I didn't have to have all the answers right this minute... and that things would look different if I could just get some sleep. Just what I would tell a dear friend who was in my same situation. So wise!
How blessed it would be if my exhaustion were to blame for all of the dings in my person. It's certainly to blame for the giant bags under my eyes. (If I had any money, I could keep it in my eye bags!) Right now I'm stalling. I'm so tired, but I'm computing instead of brushing my teeth. Because I'm afraid to go to bed! I hate just scootching around not sleeping. It's less fun than ingrown toenails. It's less fun than cleaning out the back of the bottom of the refrigerator. It's less fun than having to share your popcorn. It's EVEN less fun than having a spider fall on your head in the shower... which actually happened to me the other day.
But now, for my sake and yours, I'm going to brush and floss, remove the mascara that did nothing to help me look alive, wash my feet in the sink, and hang out in the dark. Long-distance lullabyes and sleeping spells are more than welcome!
4 comments:
I'm reading this at 2:08am, hoping that you're soundly and sweetly asleep. I'm a night owl by nature, but have taken things to extremes, often not falling asleep until after 5:00am these days. I can set my own schedule most of the time (a perk of being a freelancer), but I think I need to get back on a more "normal" sleep schedule. Maybe we could start an online group for people who are awake all night, by choice, chance, or restlessness. I'm sending some good Zzzzz's your way.
Hello, Jennifer! Thank you for your well-wishing. :)
I'm also a night-owl, and wish that the rest of the world operated on *my* ideal schedule. That is sadly not reality, though, so I keep trying to smoosh myself into a mold... but it seems to be coated with crisco, and I keep popping out!
As for an online creative insomniac's group~ if you create the virtual space, I'll provide the virtual cookies and cocoa. :) Sweet dreams!
uuf! I send me peaceful, sleepy thoughts your way. I live with someone who goes through lack-of-sleep cycles, and I see how hard it is to function through the day. So be gentle to yourself!
Thank you, Steph! I'm sleeping again, but it takes a while to catch up. :) See you Wednesday!
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