creating family

When other people bring thickly-iced sheet cakes, my mother brings raw "fudge" made with dates, walnuts, vanilla, and organic cocoa powder. They bring the karaoke machine, she brings her recorder. They bring board games, she brings paper and markers. And she weaves her little self into their hearts~ she just does.

One afternoon during our holiday, she had several women in the group sitting around the table, tracing their hands and making turkeys. She made a very snazzy one. And then she went and filled it with our names in hearts. The next day, she pulled a similar feat... I woke up from a nap to the sound of her recorder, her laughter, and everyone else applauding.

She's a bit radical, sweetly so~ she can give a speech about anything at any moment, using big words and swooping metaphors and concepts most people have never considered. She's had the life shaken right out of her, and somehow she manages to love and love and love. Having parents who are so not status quo can be hard sometimes, but I know how lucky I am...

There has been a recent flurry of reconnections, and new connections. Mostly with the women on both sides of the family, some related by blood and some by marriage. My mother has jumped with both feet into the work of creating extended family. And I've been tagging along, admittedly apprehensive some of the time. Now I'd say that I'm officially on board, and I'm so grateful to my mom for getting me to that point. It feels like we've moved to a whole new level now. (We were never very involved with the extended family when I was growing up~ there was too much hurt that had yet to be healed~ and so it's taken a lot of time and a lot of wading to finally feel safe and confident enough to take the plunge and get to know these other people.)

(I think I'm starting to ramble now, so bear with me, if you like.) I think that it's hard to come into a family that's already established, and to let them know who you really are. It's one thing to scandalize folks that you never have to see again, but when you're trying to become part of a family that wasn't always yours, it becomes a little more delicate. Telling the truth can be risky.

I was happy and relieved to learn that some of my values and truths are shared by some people I thought disagreed with me. And that everyone in the group loves each other, up to and including their differences. I need to learn that one over and over again. I can be my real self without alienating everyone forever. And I can find the beauty and goodness in them even if they believe certain things that I don't.

And sometimes karaoke and cake, or markers and "fudge", can be just enough to get us over any bumps in the road and bring us back home again.