to float away

I'm having a bout of the Vagabond Blues, the Getmeouttaheres, Whiny Whiner Syndrome. I want to run away from everything, or maybe to be rescued. Yikes. I don't like it. But it's a pretty frequent feeling for me, nothing unusual, sadly, at all.

I have a recording of a speech that Jack Canfield gave last year. (He may be best known as the Chicken Soup for the Soul guy, but he's involved in all kinds of other stuff, including The Secret.) Anyhow, I think the speech is really great, and different things come back to me from time to time. Lately, it's the part where he talks about joy. I don't remember exactly what he said (the CD is currently on loan to a friend) but it's basically the idea that you can gauge the rightness of where you are by the level of joy in your life. If the joy is missing, something is out of line.

I'm mostly not feeling the joy. And I feel like I don't have time to go looking for it, whatever that would entail. And that's because I'm so scared about money. And that's so crappy!

I don't want to sound like a hypocrite or a split-personality or whatever~ with my happy "get to" philosophy right next to my hand-wringing, money-stumped, shakin'-in-my-boots joylessness. These are both very real parts of my humanness, the light and the shadow, and I'm just muddling along and trying to shift the balance and find the best answers for me.

In other news, not unrelated, I have made it to baby-step four with my juicer. I've owned the thing for two or three years, but hadn't even taken it out of the box until today. A long (LONG) time ago, I opened the box and set the accompanying audio tape by the stereo and read part of the recipe booklet. Last month, I pulled the box out from under the sink, listened to the tape and looked at the recipe booklet again and read part of the instruction manual. The box has been sitting out in the open since then, so that I see it every day. And today, today I took it OUT OF THE BOX and washed the washable parts and learned how it goes together and comes apart.

I have carrots, an apple, and some ginger root. I'm going to juice them. Right now! Maybe it will get the joy beans jumpin'...